Sad, Wood Sculpture, 2017, Stéphanie Kilgast

Yesterday was nice.
I started listening to Wer bin ich – und wenn ja, wie viele? (who am I? and if yes, how many?) by Richard David Precht.
It’s about philosophy and was recommended by Tim Bengel.
Tim Bengel makes stunning artworks with sand and gold. So I got curious and read more about him, hence why I saw that recommandation during one of his interview.
Yes, philosophy can nurture art, so why not.
I did listen to the book for about 2 hours from the 13h total.
Mostly about the question of “I” and brain.
About how there is no physical “I” in neuro-biology, but rather a bunch of “I”s that find a balance to make decisions.
Which also explains how humans are so full of contradictions.
It’s an eternal internal struggle of decision making.
Between what is morally right, what your guts want and what you can do.
Too long to explain here.
Nothing dramatically new for me, but something to ponder about.
I like to ponder about things.
Then I listened to an audio documentary about Kandinsky.
He was a loner too.
Also best friend with another of my art crush : Franz Marc, through Der Blaue Reiter.
How I could even forget about Der Blaue Reiter is beyond me.

Today, however… everything felt like it was too much to deal with.
Some days are like that, when you wake up and the smallest task feels like you have to climb a mountain.
I tried to work and miserably failed at the first little difficulty.
I started to work on my next skillshare class. One has to find ways to earn money.
But one of the footage did miss half of the audio.
I fell.
Went into bad procrastination.
Bad as I didn’t do anything really fun instead.
Just lingering in that acrid state of sad passiveness.
But then, I remembered wanting to try my hand at wood carving.
Something about a small video that I saw the other day.
That particular video in a nutshell said that :
“Growth based on material goods is pointless, as material goods are a finite source.
But growth based on knowledge is infinite, as knowledge is an infinite source.”
The speaker also said that in the future, we would not produce any waste anymore.
Like nature doesn’t produce any waste.
When leaves fall to the ground, it’s not waste.
Which, inevitably made me think of my own artwork.
Is Art waste?
And my biggest contradiction to date : polymer clay.
That material I love to use but that is disastrous to the environment.
Yet I keep teaching with that same material.
Because yes, sculpting makes me happy.
And wood working just popped into my mind.
And again today.
So I asked youtube for help.
Found a piece of scrap wood.
And did this.
A self portrait if you like.
Throwing out emotions onto something.
The feeling of being lost.
It helped put a bit of satisfaction into my day.
So it served is purpose.
And writing does to.
It’s therapeutical.

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