Sad, Wood Sculpture, 2017, Stéphanie Kilgast

Yesterday was nice.
I started listening to Wer bin ich – und wenn ja, wie viele? (who am I? and if yes, how many?) by Richard David Precht.
It’s about philosophy and was recommended by Tim Bengel.
Tim Bengel makes stunning artworks with sand and gold. So I got curious and read more about him, hence why I saw that recommandation during one of his interview.
Yes, philosophy can nurture art, so why not.
I did listen to the book for about 2 hours from the 13h total.
Mostly about the question of “I” and brain.
About how there is no physical “I” in neuro-biology, but rather a bunch of “I”s that find a balance to make decisions.
Which also explains how humans are so full of contradictions.
It’s an eternal internal struggle of decision making.
Between what is morally right, what your guts want and what you can do.
Too long to explain here.
Nothing dramatically new for me, but something to ponder about.
I like to ponder about things.
Then I listened to an audio documentary about Kandinsky.
He was a loner too.
Also best friend with another of my art crush : Franz Marc, through Der Blaue Reiter.
How I could even forget about Der Blaue Reiter is beyond me.

Today, however… everything felt like it was too much to deal with.
Some days are like that, when you wake up and the smallest task feels like you have to climb a mountain.
I tried to work and miserably failed at the first little difficulty.
I started to work on my next skillshare class. One has to find ways to earn money.
But one of the footage did miss half of the audio.
I fell.
Went into bad procrastination.
Bad as I didn’t do anything really fun instead.
Just lingering in that acrid state of sad passiveness.
But then, I remembered wanting to try my hand at wood carving.
Something about a small video that I saw the other day.
That particular video in a nutshell said that :
“Growth based on material goods is pointless, as material goods are a finite source.
But growth based on knowledge is infinite, as knowledge is an infinite source.”
The speaker also said that in the future, we would not produce any waste anymore.
Like nature doesn’t produce any waste.
When leaves fall to the ground, it’s not waste.
Which, inevitably made me think of my own artwork.
Is Art waste?
And my biggest contradiction to date : polymer clay.
That material I love to use but that is disastrous to the environment.
Yet I keep teaching with that same material.
Because yes, sculpting makes me happy.
And wood working just popped into my mind.
And again today.
So I asked youtube for help.
Found a piece of scrap wood.
And did this.
A self portrait if you like.
Throwing out emotions onto something.
The feeling of being lost.
It helped put a bit of satisfaction into my day.
So it served is purpose.
And writing does to.
It’s therapeutical.

16 thoughts on “Sad.

  • April 19, 2017 at 8:22 pm

    pas mieux
    toi tu as sublimé

      • April 20, 2017 at 6:49 am

        tu es gentille merci idem pour toi des bises amicales

  • April 20, 2017 at 3:13 pm

    It’s amazing how creativity and exploring the motions through it can uplift one 🙂 Beautifully sculpted !

    • April 21, 2017 at 12:36 am

      I’m not sure you meant it that way, but being an artists is so hard at times. The doubts and the feeling you’ll never reach your impossibly high goals.

  • April 20, 2017 at 10:23 pm

    Love the result with wood!
    Life, the world and everything can be frustrating as so much is so wrong.
    Pondering over it doesn’t help you or the world it will only make you sad. I find it helpful for my mental health to sometimes see what I have changed in my life to become less harmful to the world. Example: I have been making fresh orange juice for the past few months every morning instead of buying ready made juice that comes in nasty packaging, every time I throw away the orange peels I think ‘those will be rotten and gone in a few weeks/ months unlike those nasty packages I used to use’ and that makes me feel good 🙂 Soda bottles go to my friends farm where they use them for milk. I see each little change for the better as progress, and then strive for more changes. You can not go from one kind of living to another in a few days, weeks or months, but each step can take you to where you want to be in life. Hugs!

    • April 21, 2017 at 12:33 am

      Yes that’s true.
      I’m afraid that on top of my ethical dilemmas and my frustration with the world and myself, I also struggle with existential doubts about my work. And the french election is this week-end too, so that is a pre-depression.
      But bad days are just there to be lived through. Get the crap out and then get back on train.

      • April 21, 2017 at 7:50 am

        Well you just started this rout, any new venture takes 3 years to make or break, but you have a good base with a wide social media audience, you’ll be alright 🙂

  • April 20, 2017 at 11:05 pm

    Art is an expression of oneself so it cannot be worthless by definition unless we consider each individual that is creating art – worthless.

    • April 21, 2017 at 12:31 am

      Discussing the worth of a human life is slippery slope for me.
      So I won’t even go near that discussion.

  • April 21, 2017 at 4:38 pm

    even though you are sad the work you create is beautiful, keep your chin up this too will pass

  • April 21, 2017 at 5:31 pm

    your sadness has created something quiet, and very beautiful!


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